Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

BIBLICAL PASSAGES ON MARRIAGE: Marriage Is For Procreation

GENESIS 1:26-28

26. And God said, Let us make man in our own image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle,  and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

27. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

28. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

PSALMS 127:3-5

3. Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

4. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.

5. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

PSALMS 128:1-6

  1. Blessed is everyone that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways.
  2. For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.
  3. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.
  4. Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD.
  5. The LORD shall bless thee out of Zion: and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life.
  6. Yea, thou shalt see thy children’s children, and peace upon Israel.

PROVERBS 17:6

Children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.

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IMPORTANT LIFE CHOICES: WORK AND BIBLICAL MARRIAGE

You are welcome to Biblical Counselling with Agape Focus. We are considering two of the many important choices we make as human beings, namely work and marriage. Although everyone makes choices on earth; some choices are viewed as being more important than others by the different people who make them. We are focusing on work and Biblical Marriage. Everyone needs food, clothes, shelter or house. Therefore you need money from a regular job to secure these basic needs of life. Anyone who refuses to work should not rightfully expect to eat. God, our Maker, instructed us from day 1 to work and that order has not changed. You must be able to feed, clothe and house yourself before taking care of others. Christian Marriage and Biblical Marriage are one and the same, barring modern-day ignorance, which lead to misconceptions, misinterpretations and confusion.  Marriage is meant for a life time. The present human conflict over marriage does not reduce the life time importance of marriage.

Marriage is meant for companionship, sexual fulfilment and procreation. A man and a woman come into relationship that leads into marriage because they have discovered that there is mutual trust and friendship. Their desires in life are worthwhile and have good prospect. They are in love and are hopeful of spending their future lives together. They are poised to face realities such as finance, accommodation, genetic counselling, family planning and the future. As Christians, their first point of consideration is being sure of God’s leading after much prayerful thought. Good marriage counselling from more matured Christians is very essential. The final choice belongs to the two.

The modern confusion over human sexuality and marriage is not from God, the Maker of marriage. Biologically,there is no inheritable gene for homosexuality! All various claims of human sexuality, other than the traditional and natural orders of male and female do not have scientific proofs! Human beings have only decided to do things their own way. The consequences of human violations of the plan of God for mankind and marriage are destabilising and dangerous! The plan of God is 1MAN+1WOMAN=TRUE MARRIAGE. When you choose to get married, be guided by selfless love, maturity, understanding and great responsibility. Each man and woman coming together should know that it is meant  for life time, till either of them dies. Any disobedience such as in abuses and divorces brings lots of trouble; not only to the disobedient, but to the innocent children produced! Human laws in any nation or internationally which contradict the plan of God are acts of rebellion! God would punish individuals, organizations, and nations who rebel through such dirty and immoral acts, legislations or edicts no matter how highly placed. The Biblical account of Sodom and Gomorrah is an historical fact which has been verified by Science and Archaeology. In fact judgment has started in the present age and would be more severe and disastrous at the final day of judgement! True repentance is the only way out. Delayed repentance is also dangerous. Picking on those who uphold the truth and decency of heterosexuality is making the matter worse. Choosing the model of homosexuality is unpopular. Compelling modern society to embrace and endorse the choices of others, against their own beliefs, makes the matter worse. It is wrong, unfair, illegal and constitutes confusion-master piece! The permission of gay couples to produce children through surrogate, third-party volunteers, sends conflicting signals already; and their choice constitutes the peak of self deception and delusion. Who is fooling who? If they truly wanted children; why did they not choose the natural way through a man and a woman? Nobody can mock or deceive God. The roles of the USA and UK governments and governments in the Western world are not only unpopular, but also unfair, since the views of the minority are being imposed upon the majority, through the back doors of legislation and judiciary! We demand a REFERENDUM!
Another problem is that of divorce. Marriage has been turned into a plaything. People enter into marriage, sitting on the edge and watching critically. At the least provocation and manifestation of problems, they opt for separation or divorce. It was not so in the beginning. It is a great responsibility for a father and a mother to bring up children together. How much harder it would be for only one parent to carry the burden alone! Generally, children brought up without responsible male and female adults living under the same roof as parents are not as balanced as those living in normal, married heterosexual relationships. Give God room in your personal and family lives. Reverence for God, selfless love, and consideration for others, especially your spouse, would help to keep your relationship alive. Allowing God to help you would enable you to experience stability, peace of mind and joy.

Forgiveness in Marriage

In ordinary human relationships, the issue of forgiveness is very vital for continuity. It is human to make mistakes, but that is no excuse for repetition of the same mistakes. If a person takes his or her relationship seriously, he would not indulge in causing sorrows to the other person at the expense of the continuity or stability of the relationship. In marriage, forgiveness occupies an important place. A husband and his wife interact every moment daily, throughout their life time. It is inevitable for offences to occur. However, when offences do occur, it should be handled patiently,in love and give the other person, room for correction, apologies, and improvement. Nobody should be judgemental or condemning. It is good to consider yourself, assuming you are the offender or one who made a mistake. Where there is understanding, no offence or wrong is too big to be forgiven. The peak of offence may be taken as infidelity. That, as big and horrible as it sounds and feels can yet be forgiven. Any offence that could be forgiven by God should be forgiveable by human beings.It is written: Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you[Ephesians 4:32]. Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. And beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful[Colossians 3:13-15]. The marriage relationship does not thrive or succeed with a ‘TIT FOR TAT’ or retaliatory attitude. We should not render evil for evil or insult for insult. Rather, we should live good and peaceful lives that are harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kind and humble, blessing each other verbally and in actions[1 Peter 3:8-9]. This may not be very easy, but God gives the grace to each person to make us able. God never asks us to do what is impossible! With God, all things are possible.

Relationship With In-Laws

By in-laws we mean the parents, siblings, and both close as well as distant family members of your spouse. In most parts of the Western world, especially in the United Kingdom, the extended family members are excluded. This is not so in Nigeria and many parts of Africa. What should be the relationship between a man, his wife and their in-laws? It should be cordial. However, the experiences of many people built from first-hand interactions, plus verbal and written reports of others, have proved that some relationships could be far from being cordial. As Christians we are to seek peace and pursue peace(Psalms 34:14). That means we should do everything within our God-given abilities to be at peace within ourselves individually and between ourselves and other persons. In the Epistle to the Hebrews it is written: Follow peace with everyone and holiness without which no person would see the Lord(Hebrews 12:14).

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife(united with her and cleave together)and become one flesh[Genesis 2:24]. – And the woman too. There is nowhere in the Bible where permission is given to the woman to remain with her father and mother after getting married. Does that imply a break up with one’s parents and siblings or cousins? Not at all. It is the drawing up of boundaries and the recognition of such boundaries by all the parties involved. It is the giving of respect and honour to the rights and independence of the new couple as another unit created by God for companionship, for pure and holy mutual sexual pleasure and fulfillment; and for procreation and the raising up of disciplined children.

We see the examples of Moses relating well with his father-in-law. Jethro counselled Moses in administration when he was over working himself. Thus he was able to delegate part of his duties and work more efficiently. Jethro earlier on brought Moses’ wife Zipporah and their two sons whom Moses had left behind when he went to meet Pharaoh. The relationship between Ruth and her mother-in-law, Naomi, was very cordial. If Naomi had been nosy and critical or unfriendly, that responsible, loving and highly respected daughter-in-law of hers would never have opted to leave her homeland of Moab for Israel; more so after their bereavements. She chose to remain with her mother-in-law after her father-in-law and later her own husband have died. She was a strong and faithful supporter and source of comfort. She got rewarded with a loving husband in the end. In fact both King David and our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ were in her lineage!
Examples also abound in this generation. There is the example of initial misunderstandings between the writer’s mother and his wife. These were later resolved to the extent that the two women became friends and confidants till the old woman died. During the period of misunderstanding, the writer stood his ground and protected his wife without being disrespectful to his mother. We have seen other examples where the husband or the wife chose to be rude to elders, whilst protecting their spouses. That is not proper.

Writing under the topic ‘The Expected’ and ‘The Unexpected’ in our marriage journey; and making references to parents-in-law, Drs. Thomas and Agnes Odejide wrote in their book

40 YEARS AFTER I SAID

I do

, published by Jesus Joy Publishing, 2011; pages 33-34

:

-my father died in 1990 at the age of 75. We did not regard his ‘home call’ as a tragedy even though we would have wished he had lived longer. It was expected that we would survive him so we celebrated his life during the burial ceremony. My mother followed about a decade later in 2000; she was 80 years old. My mother-in-law followed in 2001; she was over 80 years old. My father-in-law was the last to pass on in 2005 at the age of over a hundred years! We felt happy at the ‘home callings’ of our parents at very ripe ages We were particularly happy that God gave us the opportunity to take care of them. Although none of them lived with us permanently, we were not far from them and our home was always open to them. To God be the glory.

That is another example of honouring our in-laws as well as keeping necessary boundaries.
We cannot afford to lose our focus. God and posterity depend on us. The marriage institution must not be toyed with. Therefore those whom God has joined together, let no man; let no woman, let no legal, social, cultural or governmental policy or establishment toy with nor put asunder! Amen.

Having Found Your Intended Spouse, Get Married

In Daniel Defoe’s Book Robinson Crusoe we read

—Without telling my father,—-without thinking what the end of it would be; I went on board the ship.

Of course, we all know that trip ended in a ship-wreck! May your marriage never end in a ship-wreck in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. You need deep prayerful thought and divine guidance. You should marry a person who likes you, has interest in your well-being and success, speaks the truth into your life and cares for you. You should marry a person whom you feel confident in his or her presence and desire to see very often; not for selfish carnal, sinful purposes, but for life achievement and fulfillment. You have been out visiting or going out on dates with your friend. You have found a spiritual and emotional link between you two. Your lives are complementary. That is, he or she has few of the virtues or qualities which you lack and which help to make you feel total or complete. Both of you have been open, honest and sincere with each other. There are no hidden agendas between you both. Then you are on the road to a deeper promising relationship which could lead to marriage. But that is not yet sufficient. You have sought counsel from your pastor or from a matured Christian. You have become very familiar with what the Bible teaches on marriage. You have been prayerful not just because of marriage alone, but all along your Christian life. Let us consider the following also. Some of these have been touched upon before, but there is need to emphasize.
Chastity: All along, both of you should keep pure. There is no room for the crazy worldly fashion of impurity or lack of chastity, called fornication. This helps to keep the relationship pure and strong. More importantly, you would honour God and bring glory to his name. Your body is the temple of God where his Holy Spirit lives, therefore discipline yourselves by bringing yourselves under His control (Colossians3:5-7). There is no pride in going to bed before you become husband and wife. True love is patient, kind and not selfish (1Corinthians 13:4-7). Anyone who cannot wait for you, is not worthy of you. Let him or her go away for good! A tweet by Bishop David Oyedepo states: <a href="

” title=”Talk matters through; no room for laxity and impurity”>
You have prayerfully found a man or woman whom you consider suitable for you? This is the final stage when you have to be sure that you are in the right relationship. Countless numbers of questions need to be raised and answered. These are real life practical issues. Is your intended a born again Christian just as you are? Does he or she belong to a good fellowship or church? How does he react in an emergency? Does he care about you? Is she a good material for a housewife and mother? Would he make a good husband and father? Does he have a good job? Is he patient and kind? Do you naturally give compliments to each other? Are you complementary? Your intended is expected to have qualities which make up for those lacking in your own life. That is necessary for you to make a good couple. How liberal or generous is he? Is he stingy, or does he buy you token gifts? Does he or she know enough about house chores? Can he or she cook? Is he or she prayerful? Does he or she have a good knowledge of the Bible on marriage? Are you really in love or merely being drawn by infatuation? Is he easily angry? Does he or she easily forgive; or does he or she often recall past wrongs? Is he or she trustworthy? How good is he or she with handling money? How ambitious is your intended future life partner? Here is a tweet by Nicky Gumbel: <a href="

” title=”Know Your True Friend”>
Are you genetically compatible? A man with the genotype AS should not marry a lady with the same or weaker genotype; say AS or SS. They would likely have more of children who are susceptible to the sickle-cell anaemia disease, which often kills the victim or makes life loathsome and dreadful! Please seek medical experts for counsel. If you two are not compatible, then it is better to end the relationship! You are responsible for your relationship as well as the lives of children likely to be born through that relationship. Disobedience in this regard could be traumatic and grievous. Share all about each other. You should also tell each other about your past lives. Have you been in a relationship before? Why did you end that or any other relationship? Are there any other physical, medical or physiological problems to be faced and tackled before you move further? The list of questions is endless. That is why you should not rush to get married. Both of you should be bold and frank with each other in handling these questions. Please do not gloss them over. Are you a widow or widower seeking to re-marry? Then you should ensure that you marry a Christian in addition to the other points already stated. Mature singles or widows /widowers do not have a different set of guidelines from the younger, fresh ones. May each person ensure that the name of the LORD is glorified.
Here is another tweet from Abbatwit: <a href="http://

” title=”Why Do You Enter Into A Relationship?”>
Prayers for guidance from God
This is not a quick fix. It is not a formula as in solving a mathematical problem. You should already be in close relationship with God before you approach him for guidance on marriage. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and forever. He knows all things. He knows what is best for your life. Let God be your guidance today and your tomorrow would be easier to enter and enjoy. Your relationship is God’s concern, God’s pleasure and for God’s glory. You cannot afford to be careless, impatient or deceived by any man or lady. God will make a way for you. You are responsible for your choice, but God would guide you if you have learnt to commit every area of your life to him.
Counsel from your Pastors, Christian Marriage Counsellors, Matured Married Christian Couples and Parents:
You need good counsel all along and as you take the final decision. In the multitude of counsellors problems are solved and much sorrow is avoided. Safety is thus assured (Proverbs 11:14). You cannot buy experience at the super market, except buying books and tapes of those who have the mind of Christ and quite a lot to share. You acquire knowledge and understanding through the Bible, through matured Christian counselling in Christian circles. You acquire wisdom, understanding and direction through constant prayerful fellowship with the Lord. God speaks to you through the Bible and during prayers. This is a two-way communication. You talk to God and He replies and vice versa. God promises to instruct us and guide us. Psalms 32:8. Consent and Approval: Genesis 24: 57 – 58; Genesis 28:1-2. Abraham sought a wife for his son Isaac from a well-known good source. He sent his trusted servant on the important assignment. After the parents and family of the lady were convinced, they knew it was important to seek the lady’s opinion. And they said, we will call the damsel, and inquire at her mouth. And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said I will go. Parental counsel, approval and consent plus the Lady’s consent should be respected and sought. Imposition is not the perfect will of God. God had used contacts through others to reveal a person’s future partner. That is not often the case. The approval of God is the greatest. Has the Lord led you in finding your future partner? Your joy and peace would be great if you really sought his guidance. If or when problems arise in the future, you would remember that you were not careless or ungodly in making your choice. That would give you added impetus to victory over any problem.
Wedding and Married Life: Getting married in the presence of fellow Christians in the church is the best option. Your marriage is also binding and legal when celebrated in a Marriage Registry before the Registrar. The legal or statutory requirements for marriage in some countries have it such that the Church building is licensed to conduct marriages. A certificate of authorization is issued from the Registry to the Church if there is no opposition to the marriage. Within a set period,say 15days notice of your intention is given to the public in order to ensure there are no oppositions to your intentions. This period is variable in different places. After the authorization, the wedding ceremony is to be solemnized within a certain period, variable in different places. The ceremony holds in the presence of witnesses. A Marriage Certificate is issued, indicating the names of the spouses, their ages, current addresses and occupations. The names of the Registrar and witnesses are also included. All such names included sign the Certificate, issued in copies, one of which is given to the wife and the other sent to the Registry. Variable sums of money are payable as Fees for notification, for the ceremony and for the certificates issued. You would check the fees when you visit your local Marriage Registry. Fees are also payable in the Church or the Registry for the Wedding Ceremony.
Importance Of The Marriage Ceremony: The choice words used carry a lot of heavy responsibility and commitment. You affirm that you do not know of any impediment why both of you may not be joined as husband and wife. By that you mean that you are stating the truth. Heaven and Earth are called upon as witnesses. The expression

AS BOTH OF YOU SHALL DECLARE ON THE DREADFUL DAY OF JUDGMENT

means that you are both accountable to God for everything you do with your marriage.

Saying I WILL and later saying I DO to the questions raised by the Registrar(the Church minister or any one so appointed) places a life-time responsibility upon both of you, as husband and wife, in the presence of God and the witnesses. God holds both of you accountable before him. Your Marriage is very important. It is for Lifetime Companionship, for Sexual Fulfillment, for Procreation and raising of good children in a decent Family under the umbrella of Jesus Christ.
In our next post, we shall consider the Marriage Ceremony and Realities of Married life. God bless you.