Having Found Your Intended Spouse, Get Married

In Daniel Defoe’s Book Robinson Crusoe we read

—Without telling my father,—-without thinking what the end of it would be; I went on board the ship.

Of course, we all know that trip ended in a ship-wreck! May your marriage never end in a ship-wreck in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. You need deep prayerful thought and divine guidance. You should marry a person who likes you, has interest in your well-being and success, speaks the truth into your life and cares for you. You should marry a person whom you feel confident in his or her presence and desire to see very often; not for selfish carnal, sinful purposes, but for life achievement and fulfillment. You have been out visiting or going out on dates with your friend. You have found a spiritual and emotional link between you two. Your lives are complementary. That is, he or she has few of the virtues or qualities which you lack and which help to make you feel total or complete. Both of you have been open, honest and sincere with each other. There are no hidden agendas between you both. Then you are on the road to a deeper promising relationship which could lead to marriage. But that is not yet sufficient. You have sought counsel from your pastor or from a matured Christian. You have become very familiar with what the Bible teaches on marriage. You have been prayerful not just because of marriage alone, but all along your Christian life. Let us consider the following also. Some of these have been touched upon before, but there is need to emphasize.
Chastity: All along, both of you should keep pure. There is no room for the crazy worldly fashion of impurity or lack of chastity, called fornication. This helps to keep the relationship pure and strong. More importantly, you would honour God and bring glory to his name. Your body is the temple of God where his Holy Spirit lives, therefore discipline yourselves by bringing yourselves under His control (Colossians3:5-7). There is no pride in going to bed before you become husband and wife. True love is patient, kind and not selfish (1Corinthians 13:4-7). Anyone who cannot wait for you, is not worthy of you. Let him or her go away for good! A tweet by Bishop David Oyedepo states: <a href="

” title=”Talk matters through; no room for laxity and impurity”>
You have prayerfully found a man or woman whom you consider suitable for you? This is the final stage when you have to be sure that you are in the right relationship. Countless numbers of questions need to be raised and answered. These are real life practical issues. Is your intended a born again Christian just as you are? Does he or she belong to a good fellowship or church? How does he react in an emergency? Does he care about you? Is she a good material for a housewife and mother? Would he make a good husband and father? Does he have a good job? Is he patient and kind? Do you naturally give compliments to each other? Are you complementary? Your intended is expected to have qualities which make up for those lacking in your own life. That is necessary for you to make a good couple. How liberal or generous is he? Is he stingy, or does he buy you token gifts? Does he or she know enough about house chores? Can he or she cook? Is he or she prayerful? Does he or she have a good knowledge of the Bible on marriage? Are you really in love or merely being drawn by infatuation? Is he easily angry? Does he or she easily forgive; or does he or she often recall past wrongs? Is he or she trustworthy? How good is he or she with handling money? How ambitious is your intended future life partner? Here is a tweet by Nicky Gumbel: <a href="

” title=”Know Your True Friend”>
Are you genetically compatible? A man with the genotype AS should not marry a lady with the same or weaker genotype; say AS or SS. They would likely have more of children who are susceptible to the sickle-cell anaemia disease, which often kills the victim or makes life loathsome and dreadful! Please seek medical experts for counsel. If you two are not compatible, then it is better to end the relationship! You are responsible for your relationship as well as the lives of children likely to be born through that relationship. Disobedience in this regard could be traumatic and grievous. Share all about each other. You should also tell each other about your past lives. Have you been in a relationship before? Why did you end that or any other relationship? Are there any other physical, medical or physiological problems to be faced and tackled before you move further? The list of questions is endless. That is why you should not rush to get married. Both of you should be bold and frank with each other in handling these questions. Please do not gloss them over. Are you a widow or widower seeking to re-marry? Then you should ensure that you marry a Christian in addition to the other points already stated. Mature singles or widows /widowers do not have a different set of guidelines from the younger, fresh ones. May each person ensure that the name of the LORD is glorified.
Here is another tweet from Abbatwit: <a href="http://

” title=”Why Do You Enter Into A Relationship?”>
Prayers for guidance from God
This is not a quick fix. It is not a formula as in solving a mathematical problem. You should already be in close relationship with God before you approach him for guidance on marriage. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and forever. He knows all things. He knows what is best for your life. Let God be your guidance today and your tomorrow would be easier to enter and enjoy. Your relationship is God’s concern, God’s pleasure and for God’s glory. You cannot afford to be careless, impatient or deceived by any man or lady. God will make a way for you. You are responsible for your choice, but God would guide you if you have learnt to commit every area of your life to him.
Counsel from your Pastors, Christian Marriage Counsellors, Matured Married Christian Couples and Parents:
You need good counsel all along and as you take the final decision. In the multitude of counsellors problems are solved and much sorrow is avoided. Safety is thus assured (Proverbs 11:14). You cannot buy experience at the super market, except buying books and tapes of those who have the mind of Christ and quite a lot to share. You acquire knowledge and understanding through the Bible, through matured Christian counselling in Christian circles. You acquire wisdom, understanding and direction through constant prayerful fellowship with the Lord. God speaks to you through the Bible and during prayers. This is a two-way communication. You talk to God and He replies and vice versa. God promises to instruct us and guide us. Psalms 32:8. Consent and Approval: Genesis 24: 57 – 58; Genesis 28:1-2. Abraham sought a wife for his son Isaac from a well-known good source. He sent his trusted servant on the important assignment. After the parents and family of the lady were convinced, they knew it was important to seek the lady’s opinion. And they said, we will call the damsel, and inquire at her mouth. And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said I will go. Parental counsel, approval and consent plus the Lady’s consent should be respected and sought. Imposition is not the perfect will of God. God had used contacts through others to reveal a person’s future partner. That is not often the case. The approval of God is the greatest. Has the Lord led you in finding your future partner? Your joy and peace would be great if you really sought his guidance. If or when problems arise in the future, you would remember that you were not careless or ungodly in making your choice. That would give you added impetus to victory over any problem.
Wedding and Married Life: Getting married in the presence of fellow Christians in the church is the best option. Your marriage is also binding and legal when celebrated in a Marriage Registry before the Registrar. The legal or statutory requirements for marriage in some countries have it such that the Church building is licensed to conduct marriages. A certificate of authorization is issued from the Registry to the Church if there is no opposition to the marriage. Within a set period,say 15days notice of your intention is given to the public in order to ensure there are no oppositions to your intentions. This period is variable in different places. After the authorization, the wedding ceremony is to be solemnized within a certain period, variable in different places. The ceremony holds in the presence of witnesses. A Marriage Certificate is issued, indicating the names of the spouses, their ages, current addresses and occupations. The names of the Registrar and witnesses are also included. All such names included sign the Certificate, issued in copies, one of which is given to the wife and the other sent to the Registry. Variable sums of money are payable as Fees for notification, for the ceremony and for the certificates issued. You would check the fees when you visit your local Marriage Registry. Fees are also payable in the Church or the Registry for the Wedding Ceremony.
Importance Of The Marriage Ceremony: The choice words used carry a lot of heavy responsibility and commitment. You affirm that you do not know of any impediment why both of you may not be joined as husband and wife. By that you mean that you are stating the truth. Heaven and Earth are called upon as witnesses. The expression

AS BOTH OF YOU SHALL DECLARE ON THE DREADFUL DAY OF JUDGMENT

means that you are both accountable to God for everything you do with your marriage.

Saying I WILL and later saying I DO to the questions raised by the Registrar(the Church minister or any one so appointed) places a life-time responsibility upon both of you, as husband and wife, in the presence of God and the witnesses. God holds both of you accountable before him. Your Marriage is very important. It is for Lifetime Companionship, for Sexual Fulfillment, for Procreation and raising of good children in a decent Family under the umbrella of Jesus Christ.
In our next post, we shall consider the Marriage Ceremony and Realities of Married life. God bless you.

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